Have you ever wondered what happens to a child when their dreams are overshadowed by their parents and society’s expectation? What if every child carries a universe inside them, a spark of dreams, curiosity and courage, but we teach them to shrink to fit? What happens when failure is treated like tragedy, and every achievement measured by marks on a page? How much does society’s harsh judgments contribute to their loneliness and depression?
Do quite smiles hide heavy hearts, crushed by fear of not being enough in a world obsessed with comparison?
Are we shaping children to fit the world, or are we giving them the wings to change it? In chasing perfection and racing for grades, are we killing the spirit that could transform lives? Are those burdened souls capable of reshaping the world fearlessly with their brilliance? Let’s see how psychology sheds light on these factors impacting child’s mental health and shaping their future as individuals. Psychologist Alfred Adler believed that when children feel too much pressure to meet other’s expectations, they may develop inferiority complex. They feel less worthy or capable. This hurts their self-confidence and stops them from exploring their true interests.
Here a comprehensive analysis is necessary to uncover the root causes. For example, there was a child who was told from the start that he must become a lawyer. No one ever checked if he had the interest or aptitude for it. He accepted this expectation as his own dream and focused only becoming a lawyer. People everywhere called him “The future lawyer”. As the time passed the expectations and his fear of failure grew.
But, by the will of nature, he could not become a lawyer. Instead, he had to enroll in a math program, a subject again not of his own choice. The painful part was that when he met people, they felt sorry for him and said, “Oh, you didn’t become a lawyer? That is very disappointing”. Slowly, he started to believe that something was very wrong and he was nothing. What made situation even more tragic was someone said, ‘You’re studying math? That’s not very impressive. Previously, he had failed to meet those expectations and now struggled to accept himself. Because of this, he became unsatisfied and his self-esteem dropped. He was a person who had lost his self-identity.
Don’t build perfect children to fit the world, build whole, brave children who can change the world fearlessly.
Another study by Martin Seligman on learned happiness showed when children face repeated failure and feels ignored, they may stop trying. They believe their efforts won’t matter. This leads to feeling of sadness, depression and discontentment. The work of Albert Bandura on social learning theory explains that children learn behavior by watching others, especially family. When comparison is constant, children start competing instead of learning. It will damage their motivation and happiness.
In our society, it’s very common for parents to say things like, “Look at that child how hard he worked with fewer resources. We have given you so many facilities, yet you don’t hatch better grades”. Or a very typical statement, “Look at your older brother why can’t you be like him?”
These comparisons create negative feelings in the child unconsciously. He may develop hatred toward sibling and started to hide their emotions. Such negative experiences can harm child’s future. .It could happen that he becomes worthless in his own eyes. With this induced negative attitude he may become a criminal or drug addict. Who will be held responsible for his condition? And it’s true that criminals are not born, society makes and nourishes them.
Parents often say, “We never clipped our child’s wings”. But has anyone ever asked them if they actually gave their child’s wings a chance and space to grow. Do they truly set them free to fly?
The renowned Standford Prison Experiment shows how environment and pressure can change behavior .Similarly ,pressure on academic skills indicates that measuring a child only by grades and quantity can increase stress and reduced creativity. Delving deep into this issue we can cleanly see that fear damages the whole game. The exam pressure and the pressure of parent’s expectations burdened the student. By chasing grades like this, we tell the child that their ability is fixed. They are only considered to be worthy if they get good grades.
This mindset makes their thought pattern fixed and kills creativity. They start measuring their worth quantitatively only by numbers and grades. Research on Fixed vs. Growth mindset by Dr.Carol Dweck reveals that kids who believe their ability is fixed (for example, only good at grades) give up more easily than those encouraged to grow.
So, how do we break this vicious cycle? It begins with parents .They must truly see their child’s unique spark not just their grades. First, observe what excites and motivate the child. Celebrate that passion. Never force your dreams or society’s expectations onto them. Instead, listen deeply and communicate openly. Don’t say, “He was the first child, so we didn’t have the experience .This will give the path to the next child but that the first born will suffer the unseen pain.
Don’t just claim to clip their wings, create a space where they can soar. Remember every child is a universe of potential waiting to explode into brilliance. Never say, “You can’t”. Instead say, “You may stumble now, but greatness grows from struggle”. Stay patient with your child. True growth of your child takes time. Teach children to chase excellence, not just numbers. Real success bows to consistency and passion, not grades alone.
Our education system must evolve too. There should be no more rote memorization. Students must be encouraged to think beyond the box, to research create and grow holistically. True education will free their mind and unlocks their heart naturally over time. Please raise the children to be fearless and teach them: Perfection is a myth, but consistency is power. If they find joy in their craft, their life is already a masterpiece.
We should keep in mind that mental health is the true wealth that is far more important than any trophy or material success.
